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Old 10-12-2018, 10:55 AM   #11
andy665
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Originally Posted by Neilvx View Post
Andy hang in there, I found talking to family and friends helped me a lot when I was in dark place. Sometimes I would turn up at my friends and pretty much just sit there, would stop me doing anything stupid I would later regret. My friends all understood what I was going through and work around me.

Leaving the family home has to one of the hardest things to do, maybe take break and stay with some else for a little bit. Keep talking to the wife and be honest, fingers crossed it works out for you.
Thanks. I went out for a very very long walk to try and clear my head

I don't blame my wife for not being able to be supportive, she has been 5hrough he'll the last few years and simply has not got the capacity to look out for me at the moment

Spent some time putting up the Christmas village in the lounge- the usual distraction techniques that allowed me time to calm down
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Old 10-12-2018, 11:34 AM   #12
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Andy, I truly wish I had the answers - I don't, but for sure on this forum we are here to listen and help where we can.

I can empathise - I have been through a terrible, now "ex-wife", situation that was horrific. I have suffered EVERY kind of abuse you can mention from her. I have truly had days when I never wanted to go on, seriously contemplating not just to finish it all, but how. I was to cowardly for any of the options I could come up with... it taught me there was a good side to being a coward as I am still here.

It was a few years ago and now I am in a very happy, stable relationship. What got me from one to the other was being able to lean on a couple of good friends who said they would be there for me and were. Sometimes only to listen to me rant on. But ultimately they supported me.

I wish you every bit of success and hope for the future Andy because I don't know you personally, but you are such a valued, thought provoking member on this forum, unique skills, knowledge and interesting views that mean you are one of the many that bring life to this forum.
If you can do that for people who don't even know you, you must be a person that is vital to your son, and GOOD friends.

All the best
Ben
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Old 11-12-2018, 10:53 AM   #13
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I have been suffering since my marriage broke down in 2012. Hit some really low times and tried to take my life a couple of times. Family have been amazing and my new partner is always there for me.

I was with my ex wife for 17 years and married for 9 of those and we have 3 kids. In my eyes life was complete, the wife was amazing, nice family home and great kids. Then I found out she had been having affairs and thatís where is ended.

After all the pain she put me through and god knows how many times I have wished her dead I still canít let go, she was the love of my life. I am in a amazing relationship now for the last 4 years and love her to death but it is different. My new girlfriend canít do enough and I have been open and honest with her. I get so angry that I still love the ex wife but canít change how I feel, itís a vicious circle thatís for sure.

Donít get me wrong I am much better than I was but still taking maximum doesage for depressents and canít ever see me snapping out of it.

Thatís my story and sorry for blabbing on :-)
You don't get over 17 years just like that and having kids doesn't allow for an easy break up. It's so easy to use your kids as weapons but that doesn't help anyone. We couldn't speak at all after our break up, there was so much anger and hurt. I hate to trot out an old cliche but time does help. We had to learn to be adults together and it eventually did work, to the point that we ended up going on holidays together. I still fancy her, I always will but I realised that we couldn't be together. I've since been in other relationships which ended badly, some that went on long after they should have been over. I am however, an incurable romantic who has always believed that true love was out there somewhere. 2.5 years ago I met an amazing woman who's come into my life like a whirlwind. there's always a second chance. Try to focus on small insignificant moments and make them your little daily moments of happiness, the first cigarette/coffee/poo! Small beginnings, small steps. Come on here and see how supportive a bunch of hairy assed detailers are!
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Old 11-12-2018, 10:57 AM   #14
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Great you found something that helped you - that's the trick I believe for everyone suffering from depression - its about finding the "something" that helps them

I'm in a really dark place at the moment - some false dawns of positivity that have not come to fruition and have actually had the effect of pushing me back further then I was before

Helping my wife through 9+ years of depression has clearly had a big impact on me but she has come out the other side and now I no longer have to be her "carer" its given me the time to look at myself and I do not like what I see one little bit

Done the CBT and it has not helped - refuse to do the medication - terrified of becoming a zombie and unable to function at any level - perhaps a misguided fear but its still a fear

The one thing that really upsets me and pushes me over the edge is my wifes drinking - she has cut down but still drinks way too much and I'm scared of the impact its having on her health - she knows how much it scares me and simply refuses to drink less - her contention being that she does not get drunk therefore she has no problem with alcohol - feel like she is kicking me in the teeth and makes me feel completely worthless and irrelevant

How much does it impact me - well I'm sitting here penning this after packing a couple of suitcases as I am leaving her and my son - simply cannot cope with it anymore. She says she cares but has just brought into the house yet another bottle of wine

Do I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up again - at this moment in time that's exactly what I want
When you spend years helping someone else you tend to lose yourself a little. Needy people are greedy people and suck up your energy. Don't be too hard on yourself and try doing things for yourself. When I'm most stressed I detail, it clears my mind and forces me to concentrate on the job in hand.
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Old 11-12-2018, 01:07 PM   #15
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When you spend years helping someone else you tend to lose yourself a little. Needy people are greedy people and suck up your energy. Don't be too hard on yourself and try doing things for yourself. When I'm most stressed I detail, it clears my mind and forces me to concentrate on the job in hand.
Most of the time I'm ok and I don't blame my wife for struggling to support me - she is after all still recovering from her own depression

The pressure (self-inflicted) of her losing her job sent me downhill but all's well that ends well with her getting a massively better job that she would never have even known about unless she had been looking for a job

She is proving to be a decent listener but sometimes I need a bit more support than that but its heading in the right direction
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