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Old 02-08-2018, 11:55 AM   #1
andy665
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Sometimes its worth hanging in....

As many of you know I have had a somewhat difficult last 9 years with my wife.

She has battled severe depression and a close to addiction to alcohol (the two things often go hand in hand) which has resulted in some bizzare and often extremely painful actions including:

Two drink driving convictions

Running up debt on stupid unneeded stuff

Being unfaithful

Multiple overdoses

Mental abuse

Despite all of this and often long periods of having her live with her mother 3/4 mile away I never stopped loving her, trying to support her and forgiving her - often this was thrown back in my face but I tried to rise above it

During all of this time I was holding down a demanding job and pretty much single handedly bring up our now near 11 year old son.

Following her second drink driving conviction last October she lost her job and for 7 months she really struggled to find another job, she had to attend a 12 week, 36 hour alcohol awareness course and do 80 hours of unpaid voluntary work.

Its often said that people need to hit absolute rock bottom before they acknowledge they have problems and this has been the case with Sarah.

She did her unpaid voluntary work within 6 weeks of it being imposed, she attended the entire alcohol awareness course and really got stuck in to it and in May she landed a great job as Executive Assistant to two Directors of an energy company that sees her commuting to Birmingham every day.

She has come off medication, the drinking is totally under control and the wife that I thought I had lost forever is coming back to us.

There is full acknowledgement from her of what she has done, acceptance that she was drinking way too much and is really making great strides that I believe will see us as the family I always wanted us to be.

I'm left with some deep scars - anxiety, self confidence and trust issues that I hope I can now get to grips with - I may need her help but I have explained my issues and she wants to help me through it.

I'm so proud of my wife for digging herself out of the hole she made, so proud of the fact that she has acknowledged what she has done and so hopeful that the future could be a really happy one for me, our son and my wife.

For those of you going through a tough time with someone - don't run away and wash your hands, if you believe the person is worth fighting for then fight - you will get hurt, you will feel pain but the sacrifice may just be worth it

For those of you dealing with depression / alcohol problems - there will be people who want to help, even if its just talking - do not do what Sarah did and shut them out - let them in - Sarahs problems became my problems and worst of all, they became our sons problems (no matter how much I tried to shield events from him) - it could have been dealt with more easily and a lot less painfully if she had opened up but silly pride and stubbornness got in her way - with devastating consequences.

Last edited by andy665; 02-08-2018 at 04:16 PM.
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Old 02-08-2018, 12:49 PM   #2
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Andy,

That is a very affecting and brave post!

I don't think there is anything to add to what you have said, except that I really admire you for persevering and good luck on the road back to normal life!

Peter
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Old 02-08-2018, 01:01 PM   #3
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I'm with Fentum 100% on that from very brave and honest post in deed Andy and glad you are finally seeing the light at the end of the long tunnel and green shoots of recovery helping move your relationship in a new direction. This can only be a huge benefit to you all as a family, good luck for the future.
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Old 02-08-2018, 02:33 PM   #4
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Good luck Andy and hats of to you for standing by your wife at what must have been a very difficult time
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Old 02-08-2018, 02:52 PM   #5
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Very best of luck to all of you continuing in the right direction and getting better every day Andy

A brave sincere post - respect to you
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Old 02-08-2018, 03:06 PM   #6
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if you love someone, you love them,

the world needs more people like you !
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Old 02-08-2018, 03:37 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fentum View Post
Andy,

That is a very affecting and brave post!

I don't think there is anything to add to what you have said, except that I really admire you for persevering and good luck on the road back to normal life!

Peter
Thank you.

Many people (in fact most) told me I had tried and that I should walk away.

I took my marriage vows seriously - I'm also stubborn. There were many months when I did not really like Sarah very much but I never stopped loving her and wanting to help her.

Its true what the experts say, no matter how painful it is, people generally will not accept they need help and have issues until their world (and sadly the world around their loved ones) has been pretty much been destroyed.

I have had some dark days when I seriously considered suicide just to stop my pain but I knew my pain was incomparable to hers and that my son and she needed me, even if she did not want to admit it

Its been a tough 9 years but I have learned a lot about people and I hope that I can perhaps help others along the way by sharing what I have gone through

Last edited by andy665; 02-08-2018 at 04:17 PM.
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Old 02-08-2018, 04:08 PM   #8
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Andy you have my greatest respect, very few people in this world have the bαlls that you have mate
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Old 02-08-2018, 04:15 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DimitriUK View Post
Andy you have my greatest respect, very few people in this world have the bαlls that you have mate
Thanks - did not post looking for congratulations, more in the hope that people who may be struggling with their own issues or with those they love could take some strength from it and not throw the towel in.

If just one person can take a little strength from what I have been through then my post will have been worthwhile.

I know I have some personal battles ahead of me - I want to and need to silence my demons now - my issues have been buried because I was completely focused on helping my wife, now she is stronger its kind of unleashed my demons - its frightening but I know I will get them under control - I have a family waiting for me :-).

My biggest anxiety is around my fear of her meeting someone else - younger, better looking (not difficult), all the smooth talk, more money etc - she works in a business with a very active social scene and terrified her head will be turned by someone - after investing everything I have in her and my family. I'm a bit of a homebird and my Aspergers makes social situations really daunting for me whereas she is quite outgoing - even sat here typing this is making me anxious about it

Last edited by andy665; 02-08-2018 at 04:23 PM.
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Old 02-08-2018, 04:21 PM   #10
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The greatest of respect goes to you, I am in a situation where my partner and I are trying to get things back on track having been on and off for almost 8 years and at times can be very difficult especially when we have a young son together, posts like these make me realise that there can be light at the end of the tunnel.
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