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Mark R5 19-12-2019 05:41 PM

Need to get this off my chest...
Evening guys,

So, I just need somewhere to vent. Just to type and get things off my chest before I go out of my mind.

I have been with the good lady for just over 4 years. We both work in the same 'arena' so both support each other in dealing with the incidents we endure.

When we first started seeing each other she told me from day one that she wouldn't be able to have children naturally. She was diagnosed with endometriosis and due to the severity of it, she was told she wouldn't be able to conceive and carry full term.

So from day one we were resigned to not having children and just enjoy a nice lifestyle together.

Fast forward 3 years and under a different consultant we're told that we should never have been told "you'll never conceive or carry full term", we're told to stop any contreceptives and see how we get on.

Fast forward another year and hey presto we're 9 weeks pregnant, no IVF no tests, no nothing. Great news and we're over the moon.

However, due to having been told it would be a no go and wouldn't carry full term, we were sent for a scan, earlier than normal just to ensure it was an ectopic pregnancy. The radiographer had to conduct and internal scan but thankfully everything came back alright.

So relief swept over us.

Not three days later she noticed a bit of light spotting and a quick search on the NHS site advised notifying our GP at once....duly done, a week later we had another scan and again, thankfully, once again everything came back ok.

We were told to monitor the spotting and to just continue as we were. Things were going alright, still a little bit of light spotting but no pains etc. Again, the relief was palpable.

Today we had out first midwife appointment and not 30 minutes before going we had a bit of bright red bleeding and a small clot. So what should've been an enjoyable first meeting was marred slightly with sheer apprehension and anxiety.

We had a little cry when speaking about a few things and were told once again to continue as normal. Signs are still good and another scan has been booked. My poor lady is utterly beside herself with worry. She keeps telling me she's sorry for letting me down.

I don't think for a second she is or has no matter what happens. It's already a miracle to get this far and I pray we make it full term to have a little sprog. I didn't know I could want something so much in such a short space of time.

For obvious reasons we've not told friends or work colleagues etc yet. Close family are aware but not of the ups and downs as we don't want them worrying.

I'm sorry to just waffle on and know that there's not a lot folk can do. We've had a fantastic service from our wonderful NHS and GP. I just wanted a safe area to just get it off my chest a bit as I don't want to add any more of a burden to my good lady - she's got more than enough on her plate at the moment.

suds 19-12-2019 06:02 PM

It's good to vent your spleen Mark - fingers crossed for you both.

Dave50 19-12-2019 06:03 PM

I can not comprehend what you and your good lady are going through, but I wish all 3 of you, all the luck in the world and hope you have a wonderful outcome.


Walesy. 19-12-2019 06:12 PM

Take it easy bud, look after her and I wish you all the best

Kerr 19-12-2019 06:21 PM

I hope everything works out.

Hopefully the Mrs gains some confidence and doesn't keep getting tense and stressed. Not the easiest thing in the circumstances.

Cole_E91 19-12-2019 06:52 PM

I was expecting some form of car related rant like somebody had cut you up or something... but this is something else.

I honestly hope everything goes okay for you and your lovely lady, you sound like you will make incredible parents once these next 9 months pass.

Having had two kids myself I understand how it can be nerve-racking and also how stressful it is. Try and relieve that stress by going out and having fun but taking it easy as well. I know that is easier said than done.

We as a community are here for you to talk to, good luck and I hope the next scan goes okay!

Fentum 19-12-2019 07:17 PM

There is a lot to be said for confronting your fears and I think we can all see why you want to do this without affecting your wife or family.

Please don't think I'm being impertinent in reminding you also to ensure that your unwillingness to burden your wife does not get interpreted as a lack of communication or empathy - which I know it isn't. You are in this together. There have been occasions when I have upset my wife badly by apparently not empathising or saying enough, when all I thought I was doing was being strong etc. In my experience, on the big stuff, women are ten times tougher and more resilient than men, and often simply want it confirmed (a) that we are equally concerned/upset; and (b) squarely 'onside'. But you are the best judge of how and when to do this.

It is easy to focus on the downsides, which are real and considerable, but take comfort from the fact that medicine gets better and better all the time. And to balance all the fears, I should mention a close friend of ours who was instructed to spend the last five months of her pregnancy in bed because of fears for both mother and baby. Thirty-plus years later, her daughter is fit and well and the mother of two fine young lads...


DLGWRX02 19-12-2019 07:46 PM

I can’t pretend to even imagine what your going through, but all you can do is be there and give her all the love and support she needs. Fingers crossed for you all and I hope the New Year brings you all, the joy you can possibly wish for.

LSpec 19-12-2019 08:00 PM

God bless you all three of us.

MagpieRH 19-12-2019 08:19 PM

Feel for you both - I don't think there's anything you can say that will reassure her if she's in the mindset that any issues would be 'letting her down' so all you can do is be there and support her.

Must be horrible having been told what you were, but if another consultant has told you to ignore that then try to put it to the back of your minds. I know it's very easy to say, but stressing won't have any positive impact; try to find a way to look at everything positively - she got pregnant supposedly against the odds, and despite a few worries so far it's all going well.

Keep supporting her, but don't neglect yourself either - vent away on here as you need to :thumb:

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